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[Spam and a Gaping Ass]
March 4th, 2008
How I Goatse’d A Spammer
I got this weird threatening email today. Spam has now changed to become exortion.
Hello
I am very sorry for you is a pity that this is how your life is going
to end as soon as you don’t comply. As you can see there is no need of
introducing myself to you because I don’t have any business with you,
my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL you and I have to do it
as I have already been paid for that.Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person
have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told
me that he wanted you dead and he provided us with your name ,picture
and other necessary information’s we needed about you. So I sent my boys
to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation
needed for the operation on you, and they have done that but I told
them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and see if your life
is Important to you or not since their findings shows that you are
innocent.I called my client back and ask him of your email address which I
didn’t tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am
using it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are
monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you.Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you. Get
back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your life,
$15,000 is all you need to spend You will first of all pay $8,000 then I
will send a tape to you which i recoeded every discusion i hade with
the person who wanted you dead and as soon as you get the tape, you will
pay the remaining $7,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I
will carry on with my job straight-up.
WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELLING ANYONE
BECAUSE I WILL KNOW.REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU
DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, INCASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.
DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND
GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD THEN
YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR
REPLY VIA Email:killershortgun@gmail.com
Of course, since I’m a bastard and don’t mind confirming that an email address works, I replied simply with “I am willing to pay” I got the following in reply.
Hello,
Respect to your mail,Since you are eready to comply with our rules and
regulation governing this aquada network.You are required to carry out with
the payment as soon as you receive this mail.Here are the information below through Western Union Money Transfer:
Receiver Name:Joyce Alaxandra
Address:56 BishopsGate,London.Ecw 4rt,United Kingdom
Amount:$8,000
Upon receipt of this mail,you are advice to location any western union
transfer agent around you and make the payment in two installment which is
$4,000 each making it $8,000.Once the payment is made you are to forward the
slip giving you you via email which contains Sender Name Address and MTCN to
enable pickup by our network.Warning:Our men are still waiting you at the moment,so do not try anything
funny or you will be killed immediately.So you are to get back to us as soon
as the payment is made today.From The Aquada Network.
Hrmm, I simply replied “The money is sent, reply when you get confirmation.” We’ll see where this goes.
They replied.
Hello,
We are expecting to receive the confirmation from you as soon as
possible.You are to scanned the payment slip and sent it via email for
confirmation.Also,I want you to know that,you sont have to gamble with this network to
avoid any drastic action from this network if will find at that you are
playing games with us.I await you reply.
From The Aquada Network.
They want a scanned payment slip? They got one. One 8.5″x11″ PDF containing 45 tiled Goatse Images.
There hasn’t been any replies.
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March 4th, 2008 at 20:47
Hello,
I enjoy to read yr post. i also got the same email except the last email..here i want to share with u as well..
are u stil resposnd to that email?
March 4th, 2008 at 23:15
I got this email this morning and was very intrigued… it’s probably the most outrageous scam email I had gotten in my life so far. Love what ya did man!
March 5th, 2008 at 12:14
No, I haven’t got a response since I goatse’d them.
They probably figured it was a lost cause.
It’s too bad, really.
March 5th, 2008 at 15:59
What some people do to get money is unbelievable. They probably use some kind of excuse that they are poor and have to do something drastic.
To me that is just bollocks.
Great work. Let us know it they want more or if they accepted your “scanned payment”.
March 5th, 2008 at 17:10
He is already dead, the Aquada Network never fucks around.
March 7th, 2008 at 20:24
Well, why would you want to advertise that you have a “short gun?”
March 10th, 2008 at 8:15
I convinced Aquada Network to give out free blowjobs in the men’s room in Saks on 5th. Be there at noon.
December 13th, 2009 at 19:47
Nobody fucks with us. Look what happened to the cavity creeps. Everybody says it was Crest but it was really us…NOW WITH ALL NEW WHITENING AGENTS!
December 13th, 2009 at 19:48
Our lawyers will be in touch.
December 13th, 2009 at 19:49
BRUSH YOUR TEETH!